Thursday, January 8, 2009


What is Sporkville?

Sporkville is like a Springfield, or a Mt Pleasant,a Franklin or a Riverside. There is more then one of them in this country...but unlike these other common name places where Springfield, Michigan is vastly different then Springfield, Tennessee... Sporkville is like anywhere USA,they are all the same pretty much, give or take a few minor things...namely their location.
Sporkville, Michigan. Well, that would be where I live. No, you cant mapquest it...Im pretty sure it has the wrong coordinates. Im also fairly positive that you cant find its dot on a map either. I would be more then happy to tell you how to get here though and when you know youve entered it.
First, you will always find Sporkville near the tracks, usually on the other side of them. Why is that? I dont really know...but there it shall be. Secondly, the majority of the homes there will be more of a manufactured quality rather than the solidly built kind. If they arent manufactured they are in disrepair generally speaking. A lot of the times though, you get homes that are both manufactured and in disrepair.
Now moving onto the citizens of Sporkville (herein after known as Sporks). I would like to point out before going any further that not ALL Sporks fit this category. I personally do not, nor do my children, my friends, their children and a handful of others fit this category. First off, they seem to like plaid prints. I think it is the camoflauge of wear plaid- you blend in. The majority also tend to smoke something, mainly cigarettes, but pipes and cigars are common (along with the illegal smokable substances) as well. Their language is a derivative of your typical English, just spoken in a broken, and slang filled form that pretty much focuses on breaking all the proper grammar rules we were taught in school. Namely, the double negative rule. Aint is very much an actual word here, along with the popular combination words like whadya, as in whadya think?. Racial words, offensive statements and profanity (sadly included in the vocabulary of even the youngest Sporkville residents-herein after known as Sporkees) is also commonly used and widely accepted here as well. Think... an unsensored Mater from Disney/Pixars Cars with a raunchy dash of Fox and MTV video awards thrown in.
You know that old saying that when you have less, you cherish it more? You value what you do have and tend to take better care of it? Well, this does NOT hold true to people here. For all you need to do is take a drive down the street, or watch the people in action. They dont take care of their homes, they dont take care of their cars.... heck, I dare say that many dont even take care of their little Sporkees, and these are irreplaceable! Now, I realize that due to financial issues you may not be able to buy the paint needed to spruce up your home, or give it the repairs needed. You may not be able to afford the nicest car...You obviously cant afford the height of fashion when it comes to your personal look either. HOWEVER cleaning your home costs you nothing, and keeping it that way is free as well! Showers are free and there is no limit or ration on how many one can have in a week or go ahead! Shower daily!! Sporks just dont seem to take pride in what they have...even if it is very little. These items are treated like they can just easily be discarded and replaced on a whim. Where this mentality comes from, I have no idea. I cant afford to run out and buy a new house when mine finally collapses from not being kept up. I cant run to the car lot and pick up a new car because my old one fell apart because I didnt keep up with the maintenence on it. Im constantly fixing little things here and there and doing any preventative stuff to make what I do have last longer.

The cavalier way of life that should be anything but. I just dont understand.

The Spork men here seem to all suffer from the same mental ailment that is Peter Pan Syndrome. Meaning, they just cant grow up many flat out refuse to. Men the world over suffer from this, but for some reason it seems to be more of an epidemic in Sporkville. Perhaps this is due to lack of education, perhaps these men suffer due to lack of a decent male role model in their younger years. Im not quite sure...but it is very much prevalent here.

God is here too....
Amazing things happen in Sporkville. Remember Leave It To Beaver? The neighbors actually talked, and helped each other. They do that here (well those that have good Sporksmenship do) I have seen them mow their neighbors lawn, shovel their sidewalks and driveways free of snow, Fix a broken bike wheel for the little Sporkees down the street, I see them stand outside and visit. Before I lived in Sporkville I lived in a very nice upper class neighborhood growing up, followed by a decent middle class neighborhood before landing here. In those two places I NEVER saw people talk to one another and befriend each other so sincerely as I do here. There are two different types of Sporks here. Those that attend church and are true believers and sadly the majority who do NOT attend church and (judging by their lifestyle-not that it is my place to judge anyone) chose not to behave as if there is a God to offend or answer to. He is here though...and I love watching Him send His servants from outside Sporksville in to help the lost Sporks see the error of their ways. While it is obvious to me, I live here...but it must be much more obvious then I ever realized as we are constantly having our doors knocked on by different denominations, finding literature stuffed in our mailboxes and sitting on our top steps full of ways to find the Lord and the miraculous things He can do for us. Again something that never happened in my other neighborhoods. Big school buses coming in here on Sundays and summers picking up all the little Sporkees whos parents are MORE then happy to get rid of for a few hours. They may see it as a free daycare, but those of us who know what God can do and has done..see it for the awsome potential it has for these little Sporkees. Hopefully they too will see it one day as well.

Why Sporkville? What is in the name?
Well, that is simple if you havent figured it out by now.
Many people are blessed to be born into families of financial wealth that is amazing and unwavering for these fortuate ones. They are said to have been born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
Other folks are blessed to be born into families of familiar wealth that is dependable and decent. I like to say that they were born with a nice reliable metal spoon in their mouth.
Then there are the people like my children, and the residents of where we live. I dont like to think of my children as unfortunate....just that in the financial aspects of life....they drew the short stick. These people were born with a spork in their mouth.
Many amazing people started out here in Sporkville and end up doing awsome things for this world. Look at Mother Teresa, she grew up in a shack! On the flipside Ive seen people that start out in fancy homes, loaded down with money and they do nothing to contribute positively to this world, and they have the financial means to make almost anything happen....The the way I see it is this... You cant take a UHaul with you to in the end finances dont matter. God doesnt care anyways. His love for us holds no monetary value. His love for us is so amazing that you cant put a value on it. He only cares about what you did to honor Him, to further His kingdom while you were alive. The sad fact though is that when you are alive it DOES matter to others. BUT as a resident of Sporkville I can tell you this. Money does NOT make the person..the person themselves choose who they are going to be, what they are going to make of their life. Spork or Silver spoon.
Raise your little Sporkees up with manners, and a good education. Surround them with like minded people who desire the same for their little ones. Show them God and what He has and can do for us. Show them what we can do for Him in return. Give them a desire to do better then what we have been able to give them so they can give it to their children.


  1. google maps wants to move sporkville mi to parkville, south of kalamazoo.

  2. Blue..

    You are a thorne in my side =0/

  3. Thank you Mr. Spell {insert eyeroll here}